Winking without meaning

My dearest blogreader, winking is no longer what it once was.

Sure, on occasion it carries the genuine message it once did ('Hey, you there, I like you'), but in the past few years my trust in said secret gesture has been rattled.

This comes after my inaugural trip to Asheville, North Carolina. I was amazed by the amount of stuff' I saw there. Usually, I have the experience of coming into a town and seeing a few artsy-fartsy things here and there, but mostly the town is made up of the industry which allows said artsy-fartsy chic (or 'arfric') to thrive. In Asheville, it seems reversed. The arfric seems to support the local hardware store or car dealership. Really, Asheville Downtown is a world away from the majority of the city, which is composed of more moderate elements, but even those have a bit of arfric to them.

It was in said Downtown, in an eastern decor shop (eastern as in India, Persia, Arabia...) of much arfric that the tipping point occurred.

But before we go there, let's backtrack a few years. College. Senior year.

One of my professors, who shall remain nameless, but whose personality was reminiscent of SNL's Cinder Calhoun, had a tendency for winking at strange moments. Let me set up a scene for you in order to explain:

(Professor Y's office after class, Student N enters.)

N: Dr. Y, I'm a bit confused about your comments on this paper.

Dr.Y: Oh, really? What's wrong?

N: You said my thoughts were not semi-coloned enough. I'm not sure what you mean there.

Dr. Y: Ah, good question. (Wink) Why do you think I wrote that?

N: Ah...uh...I don't...use...have...I don't know.

Dr. Y: Try reading through one more time (Wink) and see if you understand what I mean.

(Student N exuent)

Other than being a bit vague, the winks often threw me off. I was not completely naive. I knew what winks meant. At least I thought I did, but since Dr. Y was often a bit off-the-wall I disregarded her winks. After all, she was a native German, so maybe winks meant something different there.

Cut a few years ahead. My first job, a new environment. My boss shows me around the new joint, motioning to different folks with whom I'll be working, yet when he finishes, there's a wink. I shake it off. There's nothing to it, I think. What could it possibly mean, I ponder. It's meaningless, I conclude.

Since that time, I would meet strange winks here and there, but not consistently. It wasn't enough to make me think deeply about it. Then, this weekend in Asheville....

I wander into a beautiful eastern decor shop and there's a woman on the phone, she nods and smiles, continuing her conversation. I continue my walking, looking. I'm not going to buy anything. The arfric in there is far too expensive and large to fit into the back of my 1999 Honda Acura CL. But it's interesting. As I turn to leave, I glance at the woman, nod. She glances back, says "Goodbye" and winks. I leave the store and it finally hits me. Does the wink mean nothing anymore? Is it no more than a flick of the wrist, a nod of the head?

For reference I checked the internet for the meaning behind winking. Perhaps I was just misinformed, I thought. Here is what I discovered:

The website Changingminds.org lists the wink as either "a deliberate gesture that often suggests something conspiratorial"
or "a slightly suggestive greeting and is reminiscent of a small wave of the hand".

Bemyastrologer.com states "a wink is a deliberate signal. It shows that a secret is being shared between the winker and the one being winked at."

But I found the motherload at information mecca Wikipedia.org, which says that a "wink is a form of semi-formal communication, which indicates shared, unspoken knowledge.
"A 'naughty wink' can silently indicate a shared secret, such as if a salesperson gives a customer a brochure and says, 'Here you go; it's free.' Infrequently, it may also mean 'got it' or 'yes, I understand'. In Western cultures, women may wink to men they are interested in dating, but this has grown out of fashion, though still used occasionally. Winking is also done by men to women, often to convey a message of 'I like what I see here' or 'Hello, I am interested in getting to know you' and also to communicate explicit sexual intentions. In Latin American cultures, winking is also a romantic or sexual invitation, but can also be used a casual sign of recognition or of acceptance of behavior among friends."

Based on these definitions, I can conclude that either a. I have met countless people over the years who assume I know some great secret b. They are indicating that I can steal some of their stuff c. They LIKE me.

Of course, they could have something in their eye.

Frankly, blog reader, this is something that shouldn't bother me, as I realize many people often do gestures for a variety of reasons. I realize that I maybe the only one who is adding meaning to them. Nonetheless, I feel like there's something to this wink. Maybe just a common acknowledgement of my own humanity. I'm not sure. One thing I do know is that the wink no longer means what it once did. At least, I don't THINK it does.

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