The Hairiest Angel

After nearly six months of a spirit-infested house, I have exorcised the demons that once haunted my small denim-blue abode.

I narrowed their position down to two bacon, egg and cheese biscuits which had been in my freezer (see 4/25 blog "Ghosts, Biscuits and Ernestine Walker") since I moved into the house in February. Last week, I removed the biscuits from their frosty layer and threw them into a grassy island just beyond the road that runs in front of my house. Since then, I have been free of the apparition which so worried me these past months.

Now, I have received a new, much more amiable spirit.

That of a chocolate labrador.

I'm not sure what her mission is or what she wants from me. Her first visit was nearly two months ago as I was sitting on my front porch, reading a book. All my friends were out of town and so I was a bit lonely when the chocolate lab jumped onto my porch and into my lap.

"Hello, lady," I said, petting her fervently. The dog did not answer. Instead, she decided to run and play in the large mud pit which sits confidently in the middle of my yard. She returned and declared her love for me by searing my clothes with fresh dirt. I brought her a hamburger bun and a bowl of water, but she seemed uninterested in these. Instead, she ran thirteen-and-a-half circles around my house and then returned to the porch to lick my feet.

She has returned every month, baring new filth draped across her brown fur. Every time I bring her food or water, she licks it, takes a few bites and then loses interest.

I learned recently that she belongs to an older couple (with a combined age of 560 years.), who have no idea how to control her, so they let her loose upon the neighborhood. I often watch with sordid amusement as the lab flops on top of my next-door neighbor's dogs as she attempts to take them for a walk.

Once she has sufficiently annoyed my neighbor, she comes to me, seeking I know not what.

What is this strange creature?

I am convinced she is the real reason why the ghost has left my house. Perhaps, blogreader, you are skeptical (you always are), but I ask you to draw your attention to the 1990 Nobel Peace Prize-winning motion picture "Ghost".

Remember Tony Goldwyn's character? Carl? He had planned on stealing Sam Wheat's (Patrick Swayze) bank account number, but in the process, accidentally murders Sam. Near the end, Carl's body is drug to the netherworld by black, screaming ink blots... much like the spirit infesting the bacon, egg and cheese biscuits.

The chocolate labrador was much like Patrick Swayze: brown eyes, dark fur, loud bark. In fact, I will refer to the lab, from now on, as Patrick.

Strong-willed, honest, loving and playful is this Patrick and the spirit which haunted my house could not stand up to her power. My toss of the biscuits was merely symbolic because the true battle had taken place long before.

Just yesterday, after a long excursion through Asheville and Greenville, I was visited by Patrick as I returned home. I laid a bowl of water and tossed a hamburger bun to her, which she politely refused. She stood on my porch as I went inside to clean house, marching back and forth. Guarding. Protecting. Asking for nothing.

Indeed, blogreader, she is my hairiest angel. And yes, she may not protect me from burglars. In fact, she may lick said burglar's hand and lie on the floor to have her belly rubbed as he ties me up and steals my iPod nano. But you know what? While I may be robbed and humiliated, I will no longer be haunted by evil spirits.

Patrick has seen fit to that.

For that, I thank her.

Amen.

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