Nick’s Big Bag of Stuff

Blog reader, or rlogger, it's good to see you again. Not just because I have a fondness for your e-presence, but there's a lot that we didn't get to discuss in our short time in 8 Days.

And let's be frank, this week has been mighty eventful: a local child was attacked by a dog, a suicide bomber at a funeral in Iraq left 43 dead and I proclaimed my, until now, secret distaste against mustard. Let's get started, shall we?




Regina Spektor
I'm beginning to wonder if Regina Spektor is, in fact, an angel. When I listen to her songs "Samson" and "Fidelity" I am taken to a very soft and pretty place. Not only that, but have you ever seen the videos for the two songs? They are respectively, a pristine white house and a piano bar seemingly in limbo. Most notable is the way she pronounces the word "distilled" in "Samson". It may seem small, rlogger, but most messages from God usually are. I'd like her to pronounce a few other words, such as "effloresence", "spatula" and "cerulean", just to be sure that I'm correct on my assumption. In addition, Spektor was born in Soviet Russia to two Jewish parents. The fact that she made it out of the Iron Curtain without at least minor damage says that she must have had some type of divine forcefield encircling her.

Music
It occurred to me that there must have been some type of music before the invention of the violin. As Kurt Vonnegut was once fond of saying, music is the greatest gift mankind has ever given to itself. I agree and I wonder what the first kind of music was. It was something simple, no doubt. I figured either a capella or drums. Therefore, if you are looking for a pure sound you need to find a band that has nothing but vocals and drums, and perhaps a screeching terradactyl. Suddenly, I realized what the perfect band would be: singing drummers accompanied by Ashlee Simpson. It makes one thankful for how far we've evolved musically.

Recycling
My recycling container was set in front of my mailbox for two weeks without being touched by the garbage collectors. Earlier this week, I saw them come by right as I was preparing to get into my car to head to work. They stopped their truck in front of my house, looked in my recyclable bin (which contained various recyclable material such as paper bags, paper cups, plastic bottles and so on), then looked into my neighbor's recyclable bin (which contained two plastic milk jugs). They took my neighbor's recyclables, leaving my bin full of perfectly transformable material to fester. As I watched this it occurred to me that while the United States may accept the Kyoto Protocol in a good 20 years or so, we'll probably never get around to enforcing it as long as there are folks in the garbage collecting units not willing to separate paper from plastic.

Mustard
I don't have anything serious against mustard, except for the fact that it's gathering a monoply on the spice market that I worry may edge out "salt" and "pepper" in years to come. This is not to say I don't like competition. I welcome "paprika", "basil" and "cilantro" and all the rest of their spicial brothers and sisters; however, let's think this through a moment. I ask you to look at South Korea, where business mogul Lotte has grown to such heights that cinemas, candy bars and even baseball team are named after them. Anyone that tries to gain an edge in the market is put out to pasture. Just a thought to keep in mind.
Now, I ask not for the destruction of the mustard seed. It's been useful to us since prehistoric times. However, I do ask that we watch it closely. After all, let's not forget about mustard gas, the deadly liquid-based weapon which has caused countless deaths. Mustard is good, but I recommend it be used alongside other condiments such as ketchup, relish and, perhaps, mayonnaise, to soften its hold on the spice and condiment market, where I see its effects being most potentially detrimental.

Secrets
Space did not allow me to reveal the personal secret I mentioned at the beginning of page two in the most recent 8 Days issue. I apologize for this error and I assure you, per my propensity for refusal of responsibility, it will be blamed on someone or something. But again, forgive me for holding you in suspense, my secret is... I am growing a small beard. This leads me to my final topic for the week.

Facial hair
I feel most people are unaware of the subconscious signals that facial hair sends to people. Part of my reason for growing this beard is the message I want to send, but first let's dig a little deeper into the secret meanings of facial hair. A moustache is a sign of verility and it increases the further it goes, but there are certain tipping points at which it loses its meaning. Take the moustache that ends at the corners of the mouth, this is a comfortable verility, a sign of strength but not dominance. Like your grandpa. Take the moustache a bit farther and you have a Hell's Angel or a bouncer who has an extensive collection of large boots and sleeveless black t-shirts. Take the other way. If the moustache is decreased to a certain point verility decreases, but the fear factor may remain the same, but this time it's not so much fear of dismemberment, but rather insidious plots and evil genius. Example: Adolf Hitler. A goatee is also a very wishy-washy symbol. One composed of chin-only facial hair could send the sign of a man-child (depending upon the length of the chin-only goatee, it could also delve into the territory of biker, tattoo artist - this also depends upon the size of the man), but a moustache and goatee combination is an enigma. Upon looking at such a design we asked ourselves, who is this person facing us? Is he fully man, fully child? I don't know. There is an air of mystery to such a facial hair design and that is probably why it's so popular. Of course, the final one is the beard. A beard is a sign of strength. In the early Mediterranean and Nordic societies the presence of a man's beard signified health. Nowanddays, it could be considered a sign of certain stability, a man who is sure of himself and his decision in life. Don't you trust a professor who has a beard over one who has no beard? Of course, the presence of a beard is an important responsibility and requires good grooming. An ungroomed beard lends one into the 'drifter' category. Something I know all too well.

I have chosen to grow a small beard. I'm just feeling out the landscape right now. I've done this before, but I've come to learn that a beard is always fun. Especially once you've gotten all you need out of it and it comes time to shave it off. This is a very spiritual experience. Afterward, there's a feeling of internal renaissance, a rebirth, if you will.

Have a good day, rlogger.

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