Behold the power of rednecks with a tow chain
It's what I did Sunday night, and it was something I learned to appreciate all over again.I live an area I consider the sticks. It was my choice to make my home there, despite the fact I have to live on a dirt road. Thus far, my little hatchback had navigated that road with no real problems, even in inclement weather.
That changed Sunday night when I was coming home after running errands. My wee vehicle and its low-profile tires got bogged down in some hellacious mud a mere 500 years away from my house and in near-pitch darkness.
The first idea I had for getting out of this predicament was to call my friend Tracy and her uncle Larry for help. It was followed almost immediately by the stinging thought that she'd found Larry dead two days earlier. Tracy and Larry embrace being considered redneck, just as I embrace the fact that I come from blue-collar steel-working, coal-mining stock. It's easy to take pride in coming from a hardworking background. Calling me a hunky isn't an insult; neither is calling Tracy and Larry rednecks.
That having been said, my initial attempt to solve my problem by trudging home, getting some good old-fashioned clay cat litter and pouring it around my front tires to gain traction -- as one would when one's vehicle is stuck in ice and/or snow -- didn't work (remember, I'm from extreme northern Ohio). Neither did using colorful language to express my frustration. Nor did calling AAA, whose representatives explained to me that my tow wouldn't be covered because I wasn't on pavement (nevermind that if I'd been driving on pavement, this wouldn't've happened!).
But out of the darkness came some of my neighbors, one from the trailer nearest to my house. She and a posse of other relatives, who were one their way out of the neighborhood when they saw my car stuck, rounded up other relatives living in the neighborhood to help me. And within minutes, seemingly out of nowhere, two men roared up in a tractor equipped with a thick tow chain to pull my car back onto solid ground. The men didn't even break a sweat as they dropped to the oozing mud to hook up my car, explaining that they'd had to pull out another neighbors' car at 1 a.m. that day.
It was something to see.
To them, helping a neighbor they'd never met before at a moment's notice was no big deal.
I assured them it was to me.
It was as though Larry had sent some of his redneck brethren to help out his adopted Yankee niece -- but not before playing one of his famous practical jokes on her.
When I told Tracy what happened, she said I should have called her for help anyway. Then she laughed. So it was worth it.
Lesson learned, Larry. Rest in peace.
Posted by on 02/26 at 09:24 PM
It was bound to happen sooner or later..it’s kinda hard to live down here and not warm up to some of us rednecks..YeeHaw!
We aint near as purdy as most folks..but we are handy to have around sometimes..what with our 4 wheel drives and John Deere tractors with those big tow chains..
We may not be much good to borrow money off of..but we always seem to have beer and aint bashful about offering you one....after another..
Sometimes you have to overlook the fact that peeing off our porches is like an Olympic event to us...and we collect everything you can possibly think of..and usually display it all thru out our yards..
We wear dirty Levi jeans with holes in the knees and aint on no dental plan...but by God when you need someone..we are usually the first ones to step up and take the bull by the horns..
Some of us rednecks make Larry the Cable Guy look like a typical insurance salesman..but there is never the fear of us using words to big for you to understand..
If you hang round long enuff..you’ll see that when you have a whole heap us living in your neighborhood..the crime rate drops drastically..we are usually better armed than the National Guard..and always have a dog or two that will bite you..
If you want to really thank your redneck neighbors..get them tickets to see the Monster Trucks..or maybe even take them to the Civic Center to see them professional wrasslers..or take them down around Johnsonville December 24th to the Neck Christmas Parade..that would be the ultimate gift…
Hillbillies from here to Hawaii attend that thang..and Santa Claus chunks candy at ya..
I’m glad you got to experience this Jackie..and I’m sorry to hear about your friend Larry..he sounds like a true friend..and next time you will know that Tracy is right..you shoulda called her..most all of us redneck guys learned everything we know from redneck girls...